Twisted Life of Star Wars
by TwinsOfMischief
Summary: Yoda is gay and is in loveobsessed with MaceWindu. ObiWan is a girl and has the hots for QuiGon who doesnt know about her gender, and R2D2 is somewhere in the mix. Chocolate Mousse fetish, candy fetish fruitish trolls OH MY!
1. Chapter 1

Disclamer: We do not own any of these characters. If we did, well we wouldn't be writing this now would we?

Summary: Obi-Wan is a girl and really really likes Qui-Gon. Yoda is gay and is in love/Obsessed with Mace-Windu. The rest, you'll just have to read and find out.

Note: There will be in and out of OOCness from us. Just a little warning! Enjoy the STORY!

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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…….

With a sigh Obi-Wan jumped out of her skin when R2 can in with a beep. Pulling on her cap, she quickly changed her voice to a his. " R2! What is it?" A male voice called quickly while changing her stance.

R2 beeped and whistled at Obi-Wan, " Qui-Gon's coming home tomorrow?" R2 gave a beep for, that would be correct. Obi-Wan nearly jumped for joy at the aspect of having the apartment to herself for the night.

Obi sighed dreamily, " Alright it will be good to have someone other than a robot to talk to." She blinked then quickly muttered, " No offense I hope?" She asked and went off into a daydream again.

R2 whistled at her and turned on some music. While listening to a mixture of classical rock, R1 began spinning around Obi-Wan , while whistling and beeping at her.

She shook her head and pulled off her cap, and let down her brown hair. " Ya know, having him back with be very interesting." She sighed and jumped when the door slammed closed and she heard Qui-Gon's voice say, " Heeelllloooo!" She got up quickly and ran into her room closing the door, her mind screaming _NOOOOOOO!_

Side Story

Meanwhile! Dances around Be careful when you read this side story, it can be a bit graphic if you ask me- Cassie-chan.

Yoda drooled over Mace-Windu. Mace arched a brow , and yoda smiled and waved all fruitilly. " Hey Macey."

" No." He said without waiting for Yoda to say anything else.

" Ahhh….But you don't know what I want Mace." He whined

" Yes I do, and the answer is no!" His voice getting slightly louder showing his annoyance.

Yoda shook his head, " It isn't like I was going to ask if you wanted to snog…" He floated away, " BUT THAT WOULD BE A PERK!" He yelled.

Mace shuddered at that as he tried to get that disgusting image out of his mind." Disgusting , old troll…" He muttered.

Yoda appeared behind Mace." Oh Macey-poo" Yoda whispered, grabbed him by the shoulders, pushed him down, and gave him a _big, wet _trollified Yoda kiss on the lips. And then levitated quickly yelling, " WOOOHOOOO 1 point for me!"

Main Story -Woo, poor Mace, you know I almost pity the poor bastard. .Ellie-Chan…Cassie-Chan snickers, " Teehee I have a sick mind." Dances away

R2 moved into the kitchenette and if Astrodoids could snicker, he would be. ' Oh well' He thought, ' Better luck next time.'

Qui-Gon knocked on his Padawan's door," You in there , Obi?" he waited a few seconds before speaking again. " Don't make me come in there!"

" I'm busy!" She called out.

" Fine then." He said styind his fingernails, "I guess you don't want that bag of candy that I bought with my precious Republic credits." Stressing the ' my' a lot. Looking up at the ceiling." See here, I was going to be a nice master..Oh well." He shrugged, he starting walking to his room." Guess I have to …..Eat them all by myself."

She opened the door and pounced on him after making sure that everything was in place." Gimme!" She started to search him for the candy.

Now…Muwahahahahaahahaha! Ellie-chan…I love this part…so far…Cassie-chan..Oh shut up and get on with the story!

" Frisking your master can get you expelled you know." Qui-Gon replied with a cheery smile on his face.

Falling off and landing on her butt" Ooof…" She plastered on an innocent smile. " Candy?" Looking up at him and batting her eyelashes, hoping he would hand the candy over to her.

Qui-Gon looked thoughtful for a moment while getting up." Uhmmm……ermmm…Ye-no.." He began to enter his room, closing the door behind him.

" Fine…Stubborn old man." She said loudly while walking to her room. Slamming the door she stalked over to her bathroom, stripped down to the nakedness and hopped into the shower.

Side story INSERT! –Cassie-chan: " Ellie-chan, do you think that Mace will go gay because of Yoda?"

Ellie-chan: Sits and ponders her naval… " No, we do not do inter-species dating. He can be gay all he wants , but no inter-species dating. I have a threesome in the works. But they are all carbon based bipeds."

Cassie-chan: " That's rather disgusting Ellie-chan…The viewers are going to barf!"

Oh well…. ON WITH THE STORY!

Mace began wiping his mouth with his robe. " Yuck…Yuck…Yuck!"

Another master walked passed raised an eyebrow at him.

Mace looked ready to cry, " I …have just…been…VIOLATED!"

The master replied, " It's alright Master Mace. I was violated by R2D2 last week." She muttered and began to walk away very quickly.

Mace whimpered and began to walk towards his best friends apartment…Qui-Gon Jinn…

Mix the story together! Shouts with glee and dances.. Do a little dance…make a little love…Get down tonight….Get down tonight!

Qui-Gon came back out, " At least I don't whine like a girl," he said while popping his head in the NOW open door. His mouth dropped. If it was humanly possible, he could've sworn his jaw hit the ground." Y…Y..Yo…You're a girl!" Having shock written on every feature.

Her eyes widened and she swirled around in shock. Covering up her assets, but then realized he has already seen them. Sighing with anger she placed her hands on her hips." Ugh…This was not the way I wanted you to find out….And…YES I'M A GIRL!" Her eyes just widened at the sight of him gawking at her. She grabbed a shampoo bottle and chunked it at his head." PERVERT! GET THE HELL OUT!" Knock Knock Knock

Qui-Gon shut the door and whirled around and went to the door where he heard Mace's voice.

Obi-Wan didn't care if Mace-Windu was at the door. She pulled on her robe and walked out wearing her usual garb. Growling she stood behind Qui-Gon and crossed her arms over her chest. When she saw that he opened the door she interrupted." Mace. I need Qui-Gon for a few minutes, so that we can talk. " Her voice dripped ice as she walked over to close the door.

Behind Mace-Windu sat Yoda there in mid air and contemplated the many ways of getting Mace to himself. So he muttered to himself. " Good this is, I will have Mace to myself, I will." He reached out and grabbed ahold of Mace's shoulder, and quickly dragged him away not letting Mace put any ward in and snickered to himself thinking, _I'm the troll, oh yeah I'm the troll! _

That's the end of Chapter 1! Review and make us really really happy!


	2. Chapter 2

!Welcome back folks!

Good day to you all. I know we havent updated in a while. And we have a perfectly good reason for that to. You see. When we typed up most of our chapters it was on flower's laptop..And her programming on hers isn't compatible with my computer. So we are going to rectify that problem tonight hopefully and we can get up chapter two. Sorry for the delay. Your TwinsOfMischief,  
Flower & Shadow

**Chapter 2**

Obi-Wan sighed standing there looking at him. "Didn't I clearly state when you first became my master that I clearly needed my **PRIVACY**! Now that you have gone and ruined it!" She stopped, scowled, got a pillow and lodged it at his head.

Qui-Gon held up his hand and sent it flying back at her with the use of the force. "My padawan is supposed to be a boy not a girl." He stated as if it was the most obvious thing in existence.

She rolled her eyes. "You are so naïve master." Was all she said. "I'll go request another master if you don't want to continue." She replied and started walking away. "And to think I actually you." She muttered.

Qui-Gon walked quietly after her. "Naïve am I?" he asked huskily as he wrapped his arms around her. He lowered his voice to make it sound dangerous yet appealing, calling the force he used it's power on Obi-Wan, "You are going to kiss me."

She froze automatically when he wrapped his arms around her."

"Master Qui-Gon." She whispered, turned her head slightly and pressed her lips against his cheek. See, she complied and yet not his wish. She then pulled away and ran into her room, curled up upon her bed feeling awkward now.

Qui-Gon smirked, "Am I as naïve as you believe my little Obi-Wan?" He called out to her. Walking over to the kitchen he began to prepare dinner. Once the salad and chicken was done he pulled out the chocolate mousse he made earlier and put the strawberries in it. Then he lifted it all up with the force and placed it in the respective place; and sat down for a few seconds then he began to eat it.

She sighed and came out with her hair down and in her normal outfit. She sat down across from him, fixed her plate and began to eat. Not wanting to look him in the eye, "Thank you Master. It's delicious." Was all she said complementing him on his cooking without knowing it.

"Whatever." He said then pulled the entire bowl of chocolate mousse and started in all the while making happy sounds of pleasure and muttering to himself, "Yum, yum, yum!" in a sing-song tune.

She blinked and arched a brow at him. "Evil tease." She said and the grinned. She got up, moved over and took the bowl away from him. "If you want it. Take it, and not with your hands." She put a strawberry in her mouth and waited to see his reaction.

He looked at her and saw that she was serious. Okay, he thought, I can handle this. But in reality tears began to pool in his eyes and he sniffled. "Please…mine…please."

She blinked and took the strawberry out of her mouth. She could handle a serious Qui-Gon but not a teary-eyed begging one. She set it in the bowl and then set the bowl in his hands, but stole some chocolate on her finger and licked it clean. She grabbed her plate, mobbed over to the sink and began to wash her dishes.

He happily went back to eating and humming again. Then he looked at the strawberry that she had earlier and put a big dollop of chocolate on it and levitated it towards her letting hover in front of her mouth. He wiped the bowl with his finger sucking off the chocolate mousse unconsciously making himself look like a professional love slave.

She narrowed her eyes at the strawberry, and graciously took it and ate it. She then turned to say thank you, but stopped dead cold and began to stare at him with her mouth hanging open.

He opened his eye to see her staring at him licking his upper lip, he put on his most innocent face that he could mister, "Yes?"

She blinked and shook her head. "N...N…Nothing." She said, looked away and continued to wash dishes.

He smiled to himself. _Damn I'm good_, he thought to himself and continued eating and enjoying a few moments of heaven.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer for Chapter 2 and 3. We do not own any of these Characters. And for Future reference on all other chapters, we do not own these characters. If we did, then we wouldnt need jobs...Enjoy**

**Chapter 3**

Obi-Wan sighed when she reached the door after cleaning the dishes and eating the strawberry. _My god that man is one sexy son of a JEDI_. She sighed dreamily and then shuddered at a sudden naughty thought. "Ooh, I must not be thinking of such things about my master…Surely that will not go over to well with the council…" Pause, then sudden realization. "Oh…My…God…The Council! They mustn't find out about me being a woman. I will surely be punished!" Suddenly panics and does the only thing that came to her mind… "MASTER QUI-GON I NEED YOU'RE HELP!" She yelled rather loudly. She ran out of her room and tackled him, making him fall sideways off of the chair and and landing straight on top of him, her legs straddling his waist. "Master! The Council! They mustn't find out about me!" She wailed tears slipping down her cheeks showing her distress…

Qui-Gon stared at the being above him, "Huh?" _What's going on? And why am I on the floor when my beloved chocolate mousse is there on the table_. "What was that?" He said when he gathered his bearings, "And this time slower."

She was in a state of panic. Tears falling down her cheeks and her lower lip quivering… "M..M…aster…What if the council finds out that I'm a woman? I mean…I…I…I l-lied to them about being a boy…" Cries even more, "I…D…Don't, want you to get in trouble either…Oh master, please tell me that you aren't going to tell…I'll do anything you ask." She sniffled and then stopped. "I have reached an all time low." Falls over sideways and twitches…sniffles…twitches even more and sniffles when a tear slips down her cheek

Qui-Gon stared at the being above him, " Huh?" _What's going on? And why I am on the floor when my beloved chocolate mousse is there on the table._ " What was that? " He said when he gathered his bearings, " And this time slower."

She was in a state of panic. Tears falling down her cheeks and her lower lip quivering." M..M-aster...What if the council finds out i'm a woman? I mean ...I..I...I...I-I lied to them about being a boy..." Cries even more," I D..D..d-ont want you to get in trouble either...Oh master, please tell me that you arent going to tell...I'll do anything you ask." She sniffled and then stopped ." I have reached an all time low." Falls over sideways and twitches...Sniffles...Twitches even more and sniffles when a tear slips down her cheek.

Qui-Gon looked at her for a few moments then burst out laughing. " Master Yoda knows everything unless you have forgotten Obi-Wan. He probaly knew the moment you were brought to the temple. Though how you managed to hide your gender from everyone else though is a mystery. " He trailed off as he began to think about it. His face suddenly became red as a thought hit him, " Obi-Wan, how did you manage to hide your...your...yourmonthlybleedingfromeveryone?" He rushed the last part seeing as he was very embarressed.

She blinked at his stupid question. " Master. Did you not catch on" She said as if t was the most obvious thing in the world.

Qui-Gon sighed a little before giving her a dead-panned look." Obi-Wan ...I am a _man _...I thought you were a _boy _...Would _I _be looking for something like that?"

She scoffed at him slightly. " You dont have to pronounce your words as if i'm stupid...But since you asked and you WANT to know. Haven't you noticed all the time when we fought I sometimes left you do something else? Like find an escape when there was obviously on available at hand? And when we were not out saving someone from the Sith, I would sometimes fake sick." She said and then shook her head." Honestly Master..You are dense sometimes." She offered with a smile.

He smiled back at her." Obi-Wan get off of me. Before I decide that ravishing you would be more interesting than my desert."

Gives her a sly smirk that _promised _her just what he means.

Her eyes widened and her lips parted and closed as if she was going to say something but decided against it until now." You wouldnt!" But in her mind. _Oh that would be nice.._ She grinned back." Is that a promise?"

SUDDENLY!

The door whisked open and a flying object, otherwise known as Mace-Windu flew into the apartment." QUI-GON!" Grabs the chocolate mousse and holds it up and speaks harshly, " Either you help me with that...Troll..Or you're desert is going to get it." He gritted out and then smiled. " Oh hello Obi-Wan, I'm so glad that you've finally stopped masquerading as a boy...But honestly, couldnt you have found a better of revealing yourself than ravishing your master?"  
Obi-Wan sighed at the fact that he knew she was a girl. Perhaps she shall have a conversation with the council as to keeping it from her that they knew. But to the matter at hand." Actually Master-Windu, I am not ravishing my master. I'm sitting on him to be exact." She said and then got up off of Qui-Gon. " Have fun handling the problem master. I'll be in my room...With the door closed." She gritted out and closed the door so he knew to knock if he wanted her.

Qui-Gon cxalls out, " Are you going to lock it this time? Or oare you going to leave it open for any poor master to see you?"  
Obi-Wan opened the door and smiled." Excuse me Master Windu...But..Master Qui-Gon, if you dare walk in on me again, I will beat you in the head with a very large stick. But..Just so you know, it will be locked since as to my shower was interrupted earlier when you walked in. I will be in the shower washing the soap out of my hair. Now. Be a doll and help out Master Windu." Smiles rather evily, closes the door and locks it this time.

Qui-Gon looked at Master Windu," Sometimes...I wonder if she is the master and I am the apprentice."

Mace sighed," Perhaps we should make you the apprentice and her the master...Seems you two get along that way...Or get along on the floor." He sighs and sits down." Qui-Gon, you have to help me get Yoda from attacking me everywhere I go...I was just violated tagain by that ugly green troll for the second time today. And I will not have it again. Now..Do you have any idea what that is like to be ravished and stalked by a troll? Please dont make me beg for your help."

Qui-Gon looked at him." No I wouldnt know, and frankly i'm glad I dont know. And..." Long pause," I dont know what to do about it..But..Perhaps you should speak with my 'Master', perhaps she would have an idead.l But your knocking on the door. I'm not stupid enough to risk her wrath."

Mace sighed." yes that would be wise to ask a woman! Thank you Qui-Gon..You have been most helpful." Takes a bite of his desert and sets it down. " That's rather tastey..Good work on it." He said and walked o ver knocking on Obi-Wans door. Adds...Mace at the last bite of the forbidden desert.

Qui-Gon looked at the emply bowl, sniffle." That was mine." Goes to sit down on his chair." Okay, preview of the day...I walk in on my apprentice, find out that apprentice is not a boy, but a girl. I am nearly ravished by said apprentice. Mace threatens my chocolate mousse, then..Mace eats my chocolate mousse. Life is not fair."

_**End of Chapter 3! Hope you enjoyed it. Please Review! Thanks so much. **_


	4. Update Note

**_Dear Readers,_**

**_Thank you for the reviews you have been sending us by clicking that lovely little review button. I know it has been a while since we have updated this story. We apologize for not getting up another chapter; I still stand by what I said. We are in both different colleges and don't have much time to write another chapter. Fortunately for this story, we have up to chapter 5 on Flower's laptop and I only have to get with her to get it on the computer to put it up for all you lovely readers. Thank you for your patience, and SOON we shall have Chapter 4 up! Thank you and have a great day._**

**_Shadow&Flower_**

**_TwinsOfMischief_**


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